Steps to letting go ( originally written and posted on BayArt)

Letting go

Without letting go of the past you will never be able to live in the present. I want to emphasize the importance of letting go of any grudges any regrets, losses, missed chances or broken hearts.

Forgiveness my experience

I never truly forgave my mother. I was and I still am in touch with her, we see each other. Much more than we used to. In the beginning months would past and she wouldn’t call. I now have a better relationship with her than ever. I believe that is because I finally peeled of the mask I glued onto myself as a result of protecting myself. My soul was still clinching on my dads once broken heart and on the past. I had poison of blame flowing through my veins. Poisoning my heart daily for 7 years and I never really admitted it to myself.  Admitting is a first step in every aspect of our lives. Being honest with yourself is the healthiest decision and the greatest favor you do in your lifetime. I am going to share some steps that I followed in my letting go process because that is a hard but rewarding process trust me.

Admitting it

I know it’s hard to admit firstly let alone allow yourself to release the thorns in your heart. Past can be a beautiful rose that we water and admire everyday even after it’s rotten. Past can be a bunch of thorns that we hold onto tightly because we think it is the only thing that can fill our scars. Specially than its hard to let it go because it is not a pleasant feeling to bleed but bleeding stops. We just need to let the wounds breathe.

Steps

1. Cry it out – holding it in is just gathering all of the negative emotions in your body and mind. It will influence your health, both mental and physical. Negative emotions gather up and later lead to stress and depression.
2. Collect your thoughts, see what experience thought you and what you gained from it – every bad experience in our life is a great lesson, we become a better and stronger person because of them.
3. Meditate – Meditation is a big helper in every aspect of our life because we learn how to connect with ourselves in the deepest way possible. We unravel the truth; we learn how our mind really functions and how to treat it.
4. Acknowledging your progress – It is always important to acknowledge your success, It keeps you motivated and it makes you push even harder.
5. The only three options – you only truly have three options: moving yourself out of the situation, changing it or accepting it. If it is bothering you and affecting your life still than the first and the last option are obviously not working.
6. Just talk – Talking is the key to moving on, share your thoughts and emotions with others, find people that been through the same or similar situations.
7. Put on the other pair of shoes – See the situation from the other perspective; try to understand their reasons and emotions. Keep in mind we are all humans and we make mistakes. How we deal with them later is what makes the difference.
8. Visualize your present reality – see what surrounds you know and how you feel and live in this moment.
9. Metaphorically throw it away- I found this method in a book written by a Buddhist (“Don’t worry, be grumpy” by Ajahn Brahm) It works like magic. Write down all the negative thoughts on a ball or a piece of paper or glue them to a stick, visualize your past and everything you wrote down and throw it away. You can throw it in a garbage can or flush it down the toilet (don’t flush the stick or a ball of course) You can even organize a little event in your backyard, invite some friends, pour some glasses of wine and let that past go together.
10. Write a letter- Words are so important, writing is a great therapy for anyone. Write a letter to yourself or to the person that wronged you. Write how you felt, how you feel but also don’t forget to write that you forgive them ( or yourself if that is the case).

I hope I could help you with this post. Im sending you all of my support and positive energy.

Lots of Love, Ellodie.