The sky before the storm maybe It’s my soul

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I love the sky before the storm. Once so blue and alive, seemingly unbreakable, now collapsed with the sound of great silence. Silence before the thunder. Once full of color now faded, weak, clear. You can see every crack, every wound all those scars. You can see how fragile it really is, how colors get washed away easily. All it takes is one grey cloud. Yet, the clearance of it, all the visible cracks make it look so beautiful, mesmerizing. Beauty in pain.  Maybe it’s the same with me. Maybe the sky before the storm is my heart. Maybe that’s why I have been alone for my entire life. People can see. They admire from the far but when it rains they hide. Maybe it’s the same with clear souls like mine. They find peace in watching our storm form. When it comes, they are gone.

Am I alone or do you clear the sky with me? Do we all form a canvas of admiration or are we here just to wash away the dirt? Maybe behind our greyness hides the sun and that’s what they are waiting? Or maybe the sun is millenniums behind.

Lacking positivity 

But always, lots of love, Ellodie 

Aromatherapy and nutrition for anxiety and depression

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Part two:  Nutrition

I could dive deep into the tedious details about nutrition and how it effects our body and mental health. Honestly while I was in class I would just sit there and read through the slides with my eyes half closed. In the meantime our teacher was having the same amount of fun, reading those slides with the most monotonous voice I had ever heard. I don’t want my post to be the product of that.

Nutrition is a very interesting and important topic and I will do my best at presenting it to you in that light. Let’s first be aware of the fact that our brain is always working. It is responsible for all of your thoughts, reactions and movements. It is the reason you are breathing while reading this post. You reading this post are another one of the brains credit. You can even thank your brain for those lovely dreams you had because the brain works hard even while you’re asleep.

Like a car

Now imagine that hard working brain of yours as a beautiful car. Like every car it means your brain requires a constant supply of fuel. For us humans that fuel comes from the foods you eat. What’s in that fuel is what makes the difference. That fuel is what is responsible for your cars function. What you eat directly affects the function of your brain therefor your mood aswell.

Like a shiny expensive car, your brain functions best when it gets only high- quality fuel.  Eating high-quality foods that contain lots of antioxidants, vitamins and minerals are what get our brain in its best condition. Therefore it protects the brain from oxidative stress. Oxidative stress is a mischievous group of free radicals that are produced when the body uses oxygen. Our body doesn’t need them. In fact, they can be extremely harmful for us.

Your brain can be damaged if you take bad, fatty foods just like a car when you put anything other than premium fuel in it.

Most important hormone for mental health

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that is extremely important for our mental state. It helps regulate mood, appetite and sleep.  About 95% of your serotonin is produced in your gastrointestinal tract and your gastrointestinal tract is filled with a hundred million nerve cells, or neurons. Therefor it makes sense that the inner workings of your digestive system are not here just to digest food but also to guide and regulate your emotions.

Listen to your body

Start paying attention to how you feel depending on the food you ate that day. Change up your diet and write down how you felt during that period of time. Try eating raw and clean foods like fruits, steamed and cooked vegetables. You also might want to try going dairy-free. In fact, the milk we drink as infants is the amount of milk we need for the rest of our life. Then again a lot of people said that they feel better when their diets are grain-free. It is all individual, see how you feel. Then slowly introduce foods back into your diet, write down your feelings again.

Mood boosters:

 Tryptophan-Rich Foods

Tryptophan can have a positive effect on stress. This amino acid helps your brain produce feel-good chemicals. Tryptophan is a precursor to serotonin, and serotonin, as a neurotransmitter, helps you feel calm.

Where to find it: sesame seeds, milk, turkey, chicken, bananas, milk, oats, and cheese, soy, nuts, peanut butter, and sesame seeds.

 

Vitamin B

Deficiency in B vitamins such as folic acid and B12 can cause depression.

Where to find it: leafy greens, legumes, oranges and other citrus fruits, rice, nuts, and eggs.

 

Whole Wheat

Carbohydrates increase production of serotonin in the brain. When you are craving carbs choose whole grains, such as whole wheat bread or brown rice, rather than processed food such as sugar, candy, or even white bread.

Grains take longer for the body to break down, and release sugar into the bloodstream slowly. Therefor it has a long-lasting effect. Processed carbs will give you an immediate energy boost but will be followed by an insulin rush, which rapidly drops blood sugar levels, leaving you feeling more tired and weary than before.

 

High-Protein Foods

Protein helps stimulate the production of the brain chemicals norepinephrine and dopamine. Dopamine like serotonin, are neurotransmitters and they carry impulses between nerve cells. Higher levels of norepinephrine and dopamine have been shown to improve mental energy.

Where to find it: Greek yogurt, cheese, fish, eggs, beans, soy, lentils and nuts.

Ideal potion for mood-boosting is to combine complex carbohydrates with protein, and to spread your meals throughout the day. Little bites and healthy snack get your metabolism constantly working which helps your body digests food quicker and gets all the goodies through your brain faster.

Food to Avoid:

Caffeinated Drinks

People like to drink coffee and other beverages that contain caffeine such as: tea, hot chocolate etc. to help boost their energy levels. But the problem is that caffeine has been shown to inhibit levels of serotonin in the brain. When serotonin levels are suppressed, you can become depressed and feel irritable. Caffeine also can keep you awake, leading to stress and anxiety. Remember that you need to sleep well to be in a positive mood.

Candy

Well let’s be honest we all need sweets, and they do make us feel better but again it’s a temporary lift.  Why? Sugar is absorbed quickly into the bloodstream. The absorption causes a high surge of energy. But that surge wears off as the body increases its insulin production to remove the sugar from your bloodstream. As a result: You then feel tired and low.

Alcohol

Now alcohol is a well-known buddy to depression.  Depressed people drink alcohol because it seems to ease stress and it makes them forget their worries. Unfortunately, the happy time is only temporary. In fact alcohol is a depressant. Like caffeine, alcohol is a diuretic, and it’s important to stay hydrated for a number of reasons, including mood. Therefor drink in moderation.

I hope you enjoyed todays post like always feel free to like, share and comment.

Question the food you see,

Lots of love Ellodie

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Aromatherapy and nutrition for anxiety and depression

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Since I graduated from a cosmetology high school I thought I share with you some things I learned there, including aromatherapy that will be our topic for today. I also had nutrition as one of my subject so this topic will be separated into two posts.

Part One: Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy is a holistic approach in a form of a therapy like the word says itself. It is a use of essential oils that to support physical and mental health. In the following I will try to explain it in a nutshell so that I don’t shove too many informations in a short period.

We have two main categories of oils: Carrier oils and Essential oils

Carrier oils – such as: olive oil, coconut oil, almond oil, grapeseed oil etc.

Carrier oils are naturally derived from vegetarian sources and have a very neutral smell. They aren’t harsh like essential oils, which gives them the privilege to serve us as a base in combination with essential oils.

Essential oils – such as: lavender oil, orange oil, rose oil, macadamia oil etc.

Essential oils are volatile, which means they evaporate rapidly and contain that natural smell and characteristics of the plant itself (can and probably will give you headache if inhaled for a long time in highly concentrated circumstances). This can make them too strong to apply directly and undiluted.

Carrier oils do not evaporate or have a strong aroma, making them the perfect pair especially in strong essential oils. How it works is they simply reduce the concentration of the essential oil without altering its therapeutic qualities. When you combine an essential oil with carrier oil you can also control its concentration before applying.

Now that I broke it down for you guys a bit, let’s get into the goodies we are all here for.

Best essential oils for anxiety and depression:

Lavender oil- has calming and relaxing effect, helps with inner peace, panic attacks, nervous stomach and nervous tension in general. Lavender scent improves the quality of your sleep. Little tip: Use Lavandula Agnustifolia – soothing lavender not Lavandula Latifolia- stimulating lavender commonly used for scent in candles.

Rose oil- it’s known for its ability to reduce emotional distress and it’s personally a Master Jedi for my relaxation. Fun fact: essential oils have energy vibrations. Rose has one of the highest frequencies of any essential oils, Many believe it opens your heart so that it consumes and spreads more love. Just like rose quarts but that’s a different topic.

Bergamot oil- used to reduce pain from headaches and muscle tension as well as stimulate hormonal and digestive juices. Releases emotional pain, reduces stress and works as a powerful antidepressant.

Application and use:

Now that we got our oils ready we need to know how to use them in the most beneficial way and to use them safely ofcourse.

As I mentioned previously putting essential oil straightly on to your skin can cause irritation due to its high concentration.  Therefore use one drop – one drop method and just add one drop of carrier oil one drop of essential (always the same amount).

Pressure points – they are all over our body. Most beneficial in aromatherapy for calming yourself down are the ones on and close to our head and face.  Simply dot a tiny drop of carrier and essential oil on your finger and rub it in slowly in a circular motion on the pressure point.

Here are some of the best pressure points:

Tw 15- located on both shoulders, between the base of the neck and outside of the shoulders.

B 10- located one finger width below the base of the skull, one half inch outside of the spine.

Gv 24.5- located exactly between the eyebrows also known as the “Third eye.”

Putting in oils in your bath

ONLY ADD A FEW DROPS (one drop-one drop method). One of my favorite methods it is a truly heavenly experience. Delivering you double benefit because you are inhaling it through your nose and absorbing it through your skin at the same time.

Inhalation- simply sniffing, opening the bottle, putting it into boiling water and breathing it in slowly. There are also diffusers that mix oils and water or you can just add a tiny drop in your candles.

TIP: Be on a look out for pure essential oils that have the botanical Latin name written on their bottles. Beware of those with “fragrance” or “perfume” written on their label! They are synthetic oils and they don’t have the same therapeutic benefits. They can be very harmful as well if put directly on skin.

I hope I inspired you to take some alone time and relax with our most powerful stress soldiers given to us by mother Earth.  If you like this post and want me to get more detailed with history of aromatherapy, oils, pressure points etc. feel free to comment and like this post and since sharing is caring feel free to share as well.

Be as happy as you can be.

Lots of love, Ellodie.

Steps to letting go ( originally written and posted on BayArt)

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Letting go

Without letting go of the past you will never be able to live in the present. I want to emphasize the importance of letting go of any grudges any regrets, losses, missed chances or broken hearts.

Forgiveness my experience

I never truly forgave my mother. I was and I still am in touch with her, we see each other. Much more than we used to. In the beginning months would past and she wouldn’t call. I now have a better relationship with her than ever. I believe that is because I finally peeled of the mask I glued onto myself as a result of protecting myself. My soul was still clinching on my dads once broken heart and on the past. I had poison of blame flowing through my veins. Poisoning my heart daily for 7 years and I never really admitted it to myself.  Admitting is a first step in every aspect of our lives. Being honest with yourself is the healthiest decision and the greatest favor you do in your lifetime. I am going to share some steps that I followed in my letting go process because that is a hard but rewarding process trust me.

Admitting it

I know it’s hard to admit firstly let alone allow yourself to release the thorns in your heart. Past can be a beautiful rose that we water and admire everyday even after it’s rotten. Past can be a bunch of thorns that we hold onto tightly because we think it is the only thing that can fill our scars. Specially than its hard to let it go because it is not a pleasant feeling to bleed but bleeding stops. We just need to let the wounds breathe.

Steps

  1. Cry it out – holding it in is just gathering all of the negative emotions in your body and mind. It will influence your health, both mental and physical. Negative emotions gather up and later lead to stress and depression.
  2. Collect your thoughts, see what experience thought you and what you gained from it – every bad experience in our life is a great lesson, we become a better and stronger person because of them.
  3. Meditate – Meditation is a big helper in every aspect of our life because we learn how to connect with ourselves in the deepest way possible. We unravel the truth; we learn how our mind really functions and how to treat it.
  4. Acknowledging your progress – It is always important to acknowledge your success, It keeps you motivated and it makes you push even harder.
  5. The only three options – you only truly have three options: moving yourself out of the situation, changing it or accepting it. If it is bothering you and affecting your life still than the first and the last option are obviously not working.
  6. Just talk – Talking is the key to moving on, share your thoughts and emotions with others, find people that been through the same or similar situations.
  7. Put on the other pair of shoes – See the situation from the other perspective; try to understand their reasons and emotions. Keep in mind we are all humans and we make mistakes. How we deal with them later is what makes the difference.
  8. Visualize your present reality – see what surrounds you know and how you feel and live in this moment.
  9. Metaphorically throw it away- I found this method in a book written by a Buddhist (“Don’t worry, be grumpy” by Ajahn Brahm) It works like magic. Write down all the negative thoughts on a ball or a piece of paper or glue them to a stick, visualize your past and everything you wrote down and throw it away. You can throw it in a garbage can or flush it down the toilet (don’t flush the stick or a ball of course) You can even organize a little event in your backyard, invite some friends, pour some glasses of wine and let that past go together.
  10. Write a letter- Words are so important, writing is a great therapy for anyone. Write a letter to yourself or to the person that wronged you. Write how you felt, how you feel but also don’t forget to write that you forgive them ( or yourself if that is the case).

I hope I could help you with this post. Im sending you all of my support and positive energy.

Lots of Love, Ellodie.

Scruffy paws growing wings

Hello friends

Again thanks to all that read my last post. Now I know that today I promise to deliver the next part of that post ( The butterfly lifestyle) but I never write with a fake emotion. That post is supposed to be very happy and full of positivite energy. I wanna present that method and mantra that helped me to deal with my anxiety and depression and I will post that and write it and it will shine and burst with positivity. I believe positive energy can travel to anywhere and through anything. Just like your aura it has no limits and it stretches from you, from where you stand and to the universe that interminable. Through that post I wish to send all of my positive energy, big clouds are gonna travel to its readers and rain good thoughts, emotions and opportunities on them. Unfortunaly today I lack a major part of that positivity, I tried writing that post cause I always keep my promise I also always write with an honest emotions and thoughts. So I decided that today I will like always be honest with my words cause they are holy to me.

The reason to why I am not my cherry, energetic self is because my hamster Ozzy is dying. He had been in my life for three and a half years and he made my life so much better. I was a wreck yesterday and I didn’t eat anything I slept for two hours last night and I just spent the day and night with him because If he is going to go I want it to be in my arms,on my chest with my voice. I want him to go away knowing I was here like I always were. In todays post I will write how I got him, how he helped me and how much I love him. I will also insert a poem that I wrote for him. I hope you will find some comfort in this post or some positive emotions.

It was a cold december afternoon, It was a Christmas eve. My mental state was at its worse, I had anorexia, my weight was very low, my health was horrible, I was sufforing from depression,anxiety and my panic attacks were a lot worse than they are now. But like always I knew where to go when dark clouds settled upon my head. Pet store, animals can always cheer me up, I love them with all my heart. So I went there and I thought I was just gonna snoop around like I always do. I saw a hamster cage and it was full of tiny little balls of furr. Everyone was pilled up together, warming themselves…well…everyone exepct my Ozzy.

My Ozzy was hanging from the top of its cage like a Tarzan. I saw him and smiled and he slowly came down and started to approach the thick glass that divided us. In that moment I swore I am gonna take him home. I called my dad and begged like a fool. I cried and begged, I knew he was gonna be against it since we have a dog a cat and two birds. But eventually after all the cries he said yes ( the store was full of people by the way and I would never do that cause of my social anxiety but for Ozzy I would stand naked infront of thousands and thousands of people, he helped me when he wasn’t even mine yet.)

I bought him and took him home and when I came home Ozzy Osbourne was playing and he started to wiggle his tiny tail and well thats how he got his name. From that moment on he and I were inseparable. He never bit me never hid from, me he never hibernated, never. I was taking him everywehere around my house. I loved him with all of my heart and I always will.

He was here everynight I cried, he was here when my grandfather got sick, he was here when I first met my boyfriend, he was the first one I told  I am in love, he listen he caught every tear and I am so sorry I splattered my tears on him but I know he doesn’t mind cause we got eachother backs no matter what. He was the only one I said goodbye to two years ago when I took 76 pills ( pills for panic attack and depressants and sleeping pills). I am a suicide attempt survivor, doctors said it was a miracle I am alive and with no consequences.  I experienced something remarkable and I hope I will tell you about It when I gather my strenght. I appreciate life so much more now. 

When I came home after being hospitalized I ran to my Ozzy and he squeaked when he heard my voice. I cried so much and he buried  his head in my neck and we stayed like that for an hour at least. He thought me so much, he showed me that you can eat and not gain weight by putting food in his little hamster wheel and running on it. He showed me you dont have to eat everything right away, you can put it aside for later and not have a tummy ache by putting food in his cheeks and going to bed. He showed me that no matter how tired you are make your self a nice cozy bed and surrounding by gathering hay and taking it to his bed in his mouth with a pair of sleepy little eyes on his head. He showed me that world is big and you need to explore every corner of it you can and you will find something magnificent by running away in my room to a corner and finding my longlost earring. He showed me that words are meaningless when you have a heart full of love. He showed me no matter the size love is always the biggest force on this earth. He showed me how to live and I am sure he will show me how to die with no regrets. I wanted to make this post a bit longer but I am sorry it is very hard to write with tears in your eyes. 

I am sure some will find this post ridiculous and stupid cause its a little hamster, I am sure some will find it over dramatic but I am also sure some will find it in the right time in the time when they need it the most. To those people I wanna say, It doesnt matter if Its an animal or a human or a plant, Its a spirit, It affected your life it interviened with your soul, It created memories. Just as much as you affected them, a loss is a loss only in sight, your heart and mind is what makes a soul alive. A soul was never visible in the first place, It was trapped in a body in a form so that we, blinded by sight humans can recognise it. After the loss that soul is free to go where it belongs. I don’t now what are your beliefs or religion but I know one thing. There is more than meets the eye and the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt.

I will insert the poem I wrote here :

Your scruffy little paws

They healed my major scars

The night was cold and dark

Fairy lights brought the spark

 

The way you climbed on my shoulder

Made the nights much less colder

And even now that I am stronger

I still need your paw

 

Your scruffy little paw

One day I’ll have to wonder where they are

Maybe on a shooting star

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

Makes my heart safe and sound

Maybe the clouds will be your ground

Who knows?

 

Im sorry for the tears

I spilled on your little ears

At nights

Sorry for the screams and

My self destructive fights

 

You brought the flowers in my life

The darkness turned to light

Made my frozen heart a spring

 

Once mean birds in my head

They now sing of the land

Where Ozzy is the king

 

Your scruffy little paw

One day I’ll have to wonder where they are

Maybe on a shooting star

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

Makes my heart safe and sound

Maybe the clouds will be your ground

Who knows?

And if the spring is dead

I hope it will spread

Kill the seasons one by one

 

And if the sun ever said

“How I loved my fellow man”

I will ask him where are you now

 

I need your scruffy paws

I will search all the stars

Or maybe you’re in my healed scars

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

I hope there you’re safe and sound

Maybe the clouds are now  your ground

Who knows?

 

Cause by the time it ends

I’ll be here changing plans

Turning the years around

Back when you I found

And your sruffy little paws

I hope you find comfort in my words feel free to contact me for anything, If you wanna talk I am here, If you need advice I am here, If you need a friend I am here.


Lots of love

Ellodie

Amazingly long but I hope worthy intro to the main topic “The butterfly lifestyle” ( that will greet you in the second post)

I would like to start this post by saying thank you to everyone that viewed, read and liked my first post and the appearance of blog I hope. I am fully aware the blog is not in its best looking state right now ( newbie problems ) currently it’s in those scruffy awkward teenage years but it will soon blossom  with the help of my boyfriend that will oh so happily come and fix it a bit and I hope with the help of you guys. So that being said let’s take a big breath a bit bigger…just a bit…

No, you know what, here,  I am giving you all a snorkel cause we all are about to dive deep in that whirlpool I previously mentioned in my last post ( don’t worry it’s a very friendly loving whirlpool that drags you in just to show you all the colorful and sometimes not so colorful creatures that live in it)

I always liked expressing myself through art, words. I feel fulfilled when I do something creative and artistic on daily bases. Unfortunately human kind pushes away those needs, subconsciously. We have so much going around us and It can get pretty hard to sit down, tune out all the drama, the problems, the tasks that need to be done and turn on our needs, wishes and just enjoy the company of yourself. When we don’t do that,  when we ignore the important factors that makes us special, unique. When we ignore all the „creative“  things that as we grow up become more and more irrelevant. More and more secondary, every day of pushing those needs aside, prisoning your mind with the daily routines of waking up, going to work, coming home, giving your all to others.

I slowly came to realize that society, schools, collages, all those people „above us“  are teaching us to treat our brain, to treat ourselves like robots.  We follow along that rode, listen to the adults cause they know what’s the best. We drift away from our abilities from our talents because we have a teacher standing in front of a class teaching and telling the same things to a group of young children, to a group of amazing, fascinating minds. All of those minds are different, unique, they all have different gifts that are sitting there with them just waiting to be recognized and most of the time well…they don’t.

We have more and more young people not knowing who they are, not knowing what is their potential and in my opinion that is because of the non individual methods of teaching. And that’s when depression kicks in and the very peak of it all is you ignoring your talents, gifts, your ways of expressing, like those teachers ignored in your class.

When we ignore the way we connect with ourselves we ignore our entire being and imagine it like this, we all had those moments in life when we are so excited over something. We  just want to share a story or an emotion with our friend but that friend is on their phone not paying attention or looking around and not in your eyes acknowledging you that they are listening or even cutting you of with their problems and stories and leaving you sitting there muted. Well that is exactly how your subconscious feels when you ignore it, when you put all the tasks before it. Your subconscious  screaming to you through art, writing, reading, painting,  jogging, dancing, singing all those needs we so easily put at the bottom of our list because they are not primal they are not important enough and we have so much more important things do to. All the work, that sink full of dishes, all the clothes waiting to be washed and after that ironed. All those text messages waiting for a reply and so on but everyday we add something up and it becomes easier and easier to just well forget ourselves. That is my friend depression. Ever wondered why kids are so happy, It is not because they have no problems, remember yourself as a child you had problems.

There was that kid that had way cooler toys than you, there were all those groups of friends that were all conflicting with each other. There were those nasty looking and tasting stewed vegetables and healthy lunches that we all loved so much we would sit staring at it for hours because we couldn’t go out to play until we finish it. The cartoons that were way after bedtime, those were all major problems for us then even though now they seem silly. The reason kids are so happy is because despite those problems they do what they want, they face the problem. They face that bowl of nastiness, they finish it and then they go out and play, they don’t sit after they finished the problem waiting for another one. I was ignoring myself for a long time but now I started to change that. My dishes are now happily hanging out in the sink while I write this and I assure you nothing bad will happen to them.

I will have to split this into two posts because The butterfly lifestyle I want to talk about will be a long one and I don’t want to suffocate you with my rambling the way I do to people in real life ( ahh the beauty of internet). Therefore I hope you stick around and read tomorrows post and I hope you liked this one as well. Please feel free to like and comment, I would love to read your opinions, criticism and suggestions.

Hope you enjoyed my company because I surely enjoyed yours.

Finish that nasty bowl of problems and go out and play, much love.

Ellodie