What I feel when I draw?

Started with a brush and a pen…ended with a lot of them

Ever since I could hold a pen in my hand my other hand was holding a paintbrush aswell.  I think that ever since my eyes saw the blank paper and my hand created a life in the nothingness of it, I fell in love. The person who handed me this gift (metaphorically and not) was my grandfather.  I believe he was pointing pens and brushes in my direction before I could even sit on my own.  I thank him for that, because of that a strong bond grew larger with each sit on the lap and line on the paper.

I even have a picture he framed that I painted when I was two years old. He made the frame and he painted two fishes in the back of the picture (my zodiac sign is a Pisces). I will insert a picture of it in this post. He handed me that picture I painted when I was in my early teenage years I believe. Frankly I don’t remember when it was but I remember something far more important. I remember his words. Now just to point this out so that you can understand why this is a big thing for me. He was never a man of many words, he wasn’t very affectionate and he never complimented any of my works or anything in general. He was always pointing my flaws and  sometimes telling me how to correct them but mostly letting me figure it out on my own, even If that meant an ongoing wave of mistakes. He just knew I would get it right eventually and that by myself I will learn in the most effective way.  So I did.

photo_2017-04-06_16-02-48 ( The picture, I drew this when I was two years old.)

 

When he handed me that picture he said: “From that moment on I knew you are going to be an excellent painter but also a messy one.” With the messy part I couldn’t agree more.  I like to think that blood flowing through my veins is just a red paint. I imagine it flowing like it flows on the chosen canvas. I splat water on it then just put a tiny dot of paint in the splat of water and it just flows, effortlessly. I like to believe I was born to decorate this canvas, this paper, this word. Sign my name on it with pencils, brushes and words. I feel alive when I make my thoughts alive.

So what do I feel when I draw?

I feel waves of the ocean flowing in my entire body through my fingers onto the blank paper. I feel the summers breeze tickling my heart with each breath I take. I hear the sound of nature buzzing softly in my ears with each line on the canvas. The smell of juicy nectars in autumn fill my nostrils with every warm color my eye meets.  I become one with what I create. I become my creation. The creation becomes my world…the world of mine is my creation.  I never sign my paintings because I see my reflection in them. There is no need, they are my mirror.

And who do I see holding that mirror?

My grandfather. That is my signature.

What you imagine can be

Lots of love, Ellodie

 

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Random facts about random me

Since I will be getting pretty personal and upfront with you guys, I wanted you to get to know me a bit better. I personally think It is a lot easier to connect with somebody online (and in real life of course) if they share some random things about themselves.

50 facts about me

  1. I learned to read when I was three and a half years old.
  2. My favourite thing to do as I child was to sit in my grandpas lap and draw/paint with him (he is a painter). I still draw and paint up to this day.
  3. My parents were in a difficult financial trouble when I was a child so I painted a lot of pictures and sold them to people on my street so I can give the money to my parents.
  4. I made quite a lot of money actually but my parents never accepted it.
  5. My grandma is a spiritual healer she healed quite a few people in her life but she stopped doing it because people started to spread rumors.
  6. I was surrounded by animals from day one and I am so grateful for that.
  7. I love all animals but I admire horses the most.
  8. I became a vegetarian when I was 10 years old and I love it.
  9. My mom use to blend meat with my food and tried to trick me to eat it, I would always taste it and never eat it. I used to sit infront of the plate for hours untill she finally gave in.
  10. My parents fought all the time about money, from that moment on I promised myself that money will never influence anything in my life. Speacially not the relationships I have with people.
  11. My favourite food are pickles.
  12. My favourite snack are pickles with wasabi sauce and horseradish.
  13. My mom cheated on my dad.
  14. She told me weeks before she told my dad that she will devorce him. I had to keep it a secret.
  15. My favourite music genre now is classical music, when I was younger It was rock and heavy metal.
  16. My grandma is my favorite sibling, she thought me how to walk in our cottage where I would spend every summer and winter.
  17. I was in a abusive relationship.
  18. I thought that I knew what love is but I didn’t not untill I met my currrent boyfriend .
  19. We met online and just three days after we first met I committed suicide, he came to the hospital and he was the first thought in my mind when I woke up (during that time I was still in that abusive relationship).
  20. We have an interesting and complicated story, it is really a movie like love story.
  21. My first pet was a dog named Buki he was a pekingese, I had him till I was 14.
  22. I have a paw-shaped birthmark on my right leg.
  23. I live with my dad and my stepmom.
  24. I lived in a house next to the house of my grandparents and unckle, I moved when I was 15 to an appartment.
  25. My neighbourhood gets pretty scarry at night and I encounterned strangers I never want to met again.
  26. My favourite writer is Haruki Murakami and Pablo Neruda.
  27. I feel strangly connected with Ludwig Van Beethoven.
  28. My mom listened to Fur Elise all the time when she was pregnant with me.
  29. Fur Elise always was and still is my favourite song.
  30. I can see auras and energy fields.
  31. When I was little I remember I was talking to angels, I believe I did see them.
  32. I love conspiracy theores and occultism.
  33. I am scared of the dark and of mirrors.
  34. I always wanted to develop telekinesis abbility, I stopped practicing it daily. I will start again.
  35. Meditation helped to mend my anxiety and panic attacks greatly.
  36. I love water and water sounds. Water relaxes me more than anything else.
  37. I am an only child.
  38. I love deep conversations.
  39. I prefer sunset over sunrise.
  40. I believe sunset and candle light makes everyone so much more beutiful.
  41. I love falling in love. I fall in love on a regular basis in books,poems,art,natureand music.
  42. I believe in Laws of attraction.
  43. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks,eating disorder, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.
  44. I despise and dont belive in pills for mental disorders, everything can be healed with nature,meditation,water,love and conversations.
  45. I don’t take any pills for my disorders and I drank them only for 1 week ( I was diagnosed when I was 14, I am 19 now) and I am better than ever know.
  46. I healed and I am still healing my self with therapy I mentioned under number 43.
  47. I want to be an actor,writer and journalist.
  48. I feel fulfilled when I help people and animals, I believe that is my role on this earth.
  49. I am very emotional.
  50. I feel emotions and moods of other people before I even walk in the room.

My mood is oftenly changed by the emotions that are filling the space around me. I hope you liked this little tag I did.                                                                                                                 Have a lovely morning, day, evening and take care. Lots of love Ellodie.

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