The Swallow

the_inn_by_edli-d4bt320.jpgThis post is inspired by my boyfriend’s idea for a book. I love every bit of his idea but he only wrote a few pages.  Since I love to write I thought I should post some creative writing for you today. Trying to force him to start writing I wrote this.

Meet the Swallow

It was a cold September night.  I would even dare to say colder than it usually is this time of passing moon. The air was fresh; the wind brushed through my feathers making the grass, leaves and stained dirt drift away with the sound of comforting, quiet, wind humming. I stumbled a bit, still adapting to my chosen shape, my other body. Still, after all this time changing skin to feather and feather to skin, I never got used to any shape of myself. I was a stranger in each of my forms. Just like I was a stranger in every village or city I inhibited for a while. But the forest…ah yes, the forest was my sanctuary. The smell of freshly washed leaves in the earliest start of spring, or the sight of the sun kissing every plant, every peak, every flower It shunning rays could touch, I was no stranger in there.

All this daydreaming about the warm sun made my tiny body shudder. The fog started taking over the entire meadow, slowly but carefully devouring it whole. I was sitting on a firm branch, hidden away by mighty treetops. I think it was the treetops of my old friend ash tree that was keeping me safe during this New Moon evening. I wanted to ask him but, no, not tonight, all must remain quiet, for the once green, mumbling forest has taken a dark turn in its path. The bushes are trembling for there are spies crawling everywhere. Hidden in the shadows of a naive moonlight, glancing from every corner, listening, watching you as you cross paths with them.

I heard a loud crack behind me, slowly but briefly turning my beak to the same direction. A young man carrying a large bag over his shoulders. My eye never spotted such a calm heart in these late hours, heartbeat not louder than the grass moved by the wind. He was looking straight in front of him, concentrating on the way home I assumed…or maybe, he was daydreaming of a warm sun just like me. The shadows started gleaning behind him. To any human eye it would look like plain darkness, but there are many depths of darkness. There is nature’s darkness, it is rather deep blue and then there is corrupted darkness, the kind of black that eats your soul through your human, foolish, curious eyes.

My untamed mind started to pounder should I save this fine, young man from the destiny that is surely coming his way. But what is he to me really, no one but a lonely passenger and a foolish one to say the least. Walking through the woods, unarmed, and not paying any attention to all possible dangers out there. I am not that stupid to harm my destiny for someone as oblivious as this man. But then, in the moonlight I spotted something familiar, something that warmed my heart. A ring, shinning in the moonlight. It had a symbol the same symbol that the old tavern had on its roof. The same symbol that saved me this summer.

It was Emanuel. My Emanuel. His hair got scruffier, his walk more hunched. My, oh my, how did I not recognized my savior, how didn’t I felt the warmth of his heart…how can I not feel it even now. My ongoing thoughts were corrupted by the fog gathering, climbing around us. Except it wasn’t a fog, it was a wave of darkness. I opened up my wings but they were glued. Glued with a thick, sticky, blue wax clinched to them. I chirped from despair.

 

If you want me to encourage him some more feel free to like and comment and I will continue to write this.

(since all of the previous pictures in my posts were all mine credits for these ones go to DevianArt)

Side note: He didn’t come up with the entire big idea for the book nor the little details but I love the idea he presented to me in a nutshell.

His Word Press:  https://hgc.art.blog/ show him some love please, much appreciated

I hope you liked this book to be

Lots of love, Ellodie 

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Butterfly in you

Greetings my lovelies. Today I managed to catch and trap that positivity cloud of mine. So now I am going to send it to you guys through todays post. Let’s get straight into today’s topic beause I am feeling extra chatty today and if I continue to write every word that flows through my brain, you would be stuck here with me for quite a long time. A few months ago I created an account oh HITRECORD. It’s a really creative and inspiring place to be if you are an artist so go check it out, it is a really nice community. I didn’t post much on their platform because It didn’t really stick with me like word press. Anyway I am really floating away from our topic today. There was a challenge there with word restriction to write a little poem or haiku. So I wrote this:

Butterfly had flew

Three days only

So he knew

To live slowly

The poem appeared in my mind out of nowhere. Actually it appeared just like a butterfly.  Flying gracefully without interrupting me the tiniest bit. It was up to me whether I notice it or not.  After that submission the poem just bonded with me. Became my mantra. Let me clarify it the best I can for you.

Moments not days

It’s a well known fact that butterflies live for only a few days ( two to ten days at the most ).  Within those few days butterfly always endeavors to fly directly under the sun. The butterfly warms his wings with sunrays,  it greets every flower he can find and rest a few seconds on every pestles and enjoys its nectars. Basically the butterflies live their  life to the fullest within those few days.  They don’t rush, they explore earths offerings and they thank the earth by admiring it and acknowledging  her existence.

I came to realize that is exactly how I should live. Before you disagree with me and start to think well we are not butterflies we have to work we have commitments, I agree. I am not saying we can go around jumping and looking at flowers all day.

We can stop looking at our phone screen while we are in the bus or walking to work and instead look at what surrounds us. I saw so many people admiring pictures of nature on their phones and not looking straight in front of them.  We can slow our pace down and not rush the conversations with our coworkers , friends or our siblings, we can see beauty in everyday activities. We can be better versions of ourselves, every day . We can start doing that one thing we always want to but never do because there is plenty of time. Unfortunately time is unpredictable, you can only be sure of this second. The other second is a bold and scary yet exciting question mark.

I had this morning, I have this second to sit down and write today. I am sure of this second but I can never be sure of the day. I can use every second that I have, that I can do and I will do it. Seconds become minutes hours and so on to the years. Every day you get to wake up and start fresh. Every morning the sun greets you with no judgment no memory of the days before, you can be what you want  to be. What you decide to be that day.

A butterfly was a caterpillar once

And there is nothing in a caterpillar that makes you think it is going to be a butterfly. With time it changes every day, little by little. Until one day it wakes up, spreads it wings and fly. You get to have that day.

 I was not the first one to find inspiration in these wonderful creatures so I will leave you today with a few of my favorite quotes about butterflies.

“The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. “ Rabindranath Tagore

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. “ Richard Bach

“Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.” Hans Christian Andersen

I hope you see a butterfly today  and smile (and remember me of course).

Who ever you are, be free.

Lots of love, Ellodie.

Scruffy paws growing wings

Hello friends

Again thanks to all that read my last post. Now I know that today I promise to deliver the next part of that post ( The butterfly lifestyle) but I never write with a fake emotion. That post is supposed to be very happy and full of positivite energy. I wanna present that method and mantra that helped me to deal with my anxiety and depression and I will post that and write it and it will shine and burst with positivity. I believe positive energy can travel to anywhere and through anything. Just like your aura it has no limits and it stretches from you, from where you stand and to the universe that interminable. Through that post I wish to send all of my positive energy, big clouds are gonna travel to its readers and rain good thoughts, emotions and opportunities on them. Unfortunaly today I lack a major part of that positivity, I tried writing that post cause I always keep my promise I also always write with an honest emotions and thoughts. So I decided that today I will like always be honest with my words cause they are holy to me.

The reason to why I am not my cherry, energetic self is because my hamster Ozzy is dying. He had been in my life for three and a half years and he made my life so much better. I was a wreck yesterday and I didn’t eat anything I slept for two hours last night and I just spent the day and night with him because If he is going to go I want it to be in my arms,on my chest with my voice. I want him to go away knowing I was here like I always were. In todays post I will write how I got him, how he helped me and how much I love him. I will also insert a poem that I wrote for him. I hope you will find some comfort in this post or some positive emotions.

It was a cold december afternoon, It was a Christmas eve. My mental state was at its worse, I had anorexia, my weight was very low, my health was horrible, I was sufforing from depression,anxiety and my panic attacks were a lot worse than they are now. But like always I knew where to go when dark clouds settled upon my head. Pet store, animals can always cheer me up, I love them with all my heart. So I went there and I thought I was just gonna snoop around like I always do. I saw a hamster cage and it was full of tiny little balls of furr. Everyone was pilled up together, warming themselves…well…everyone exepct my Ozzy.

My Ozzy was hanging from the top of its cage like a Tarzan. I saw him and smiled and he slowly came down and started to approach the thick glass that divided us. In that moment I swore I am gonna take him home. I called my dad and begged like a fool. I cried and begged, I knew he was gonna be against it since we have a dog a cat and two birds. But eventually after all the cries he said yes ( the store was full of people by the way and I would never do that cause of my social anxiety but for Ozzy I would stand naked infront of thousands and thousands of people, he helped me when he wasn’t even mine yet.)

I bought him and took him home and when I came home Ozzy Osbourne was playing and he started to wiggle his tiny tail and well thats how he got his name. From that moment on he and I were inseparable. He never bit me never hid from, me he never hibernated, never. I was taking him everywehere around my house. I loved him with all of my heart and I always will.

He was here everynight I cried, he was here when my grandfather got sick, he was here when I first met my boyfriend, he was the first one I told  I am in love, he listen he caught every tear and I am so sorry I splattered my tears on him but I know he doesn’t mind cause we got eachother backs no matter what. He was the only one I said goodbye to two years ago when I took 76 pills ( pills for panic attack and depressants and sleeping pills). I am a suicide attempt survivor, doctors said it was a miracle I am alive and with no consequences.  I experienced something remarkable and I hope I will tell you about It when I gather my strenght. I appreciate life so much more now. 

When I came home after being hospitalized I ran to my Ozzy and he squeaked when he heard my voice. I cried so much and he buried  his head in my neck and we stayed like that for an hour at least. He thought me so much, he showed me that you can eat and not gain weight by putting food in his little hamster wheel and running on it. He showed me you dont have to eat everything right away, you can put it aside for later and not have a tummy ache by putting food in his cheeks and going to bed. He showed me that no matter how tired you are make your self a nice cozy bed and surrounding by gathering hay and taking it to his bed in his mouth with a pair of sleepy little eyes on his head. He showed me that world is big and you need to explore every corner of it you can and you will find something magnificent by running away in my room to a corner and finding my longlost earring. He showed me that words are meaningless when you have a heart full of love. He showed me no matter the size love is always the biggest force on this earth. He showed me how to live and I am sure he will show me how to die with no regrets. I wanted to make this post a bit longer but I am sorry it is very hard to write with tears in your eyes. 

I am sure some will find this post ridiculous and stupid cause its a little hamster, I am sure some will find it over dramatic but I am also sure some will find it in the right time in the time when they need it the most. To those people I wanna say, It doesnt matter if Its an animal or a human or a plant, Its a spirit, It affected your life it interviened with your soul, It created memories. Just as much as you affected them, a loss is a loss only in sight, your heart and mind is what makes a soul alive. A soul was never visible in the first place, It was trapped in a body in a form so that we, blinded by sight humans can recognise it. After the loss that soul is free to go where it belongs. I don’t now what are your beliefs or religion but I know one thing. There is more than meets the eye and the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt.

I will insert the poem I wrote here :

Your scruffy little paws

They healed my major scars

The night was cold and dark

Fairy lights brought the spark

 

The way you climbed on my shoulder

Made the nights much less colder

And even now that I am stronger

I still need your paw

 

Your scruffy little paw

One day I’ll have to wonder where they are

Maybe on a shooting star

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

Makes my heart safe and sound

Maybe the clouds will be your ground

Who knows?

 

Im sorry for the tears

I spilled on your little ears

At nights

Sorry for the screams and

My self destructive fights

 

You brought the flowers in my life

The darkness turned to light

Made my frozen heart a spring

 

Once mean birds in my head

They now sing of the land

Where Ozzy is the king

 

Your scruffy little paw

One day I’ll have to wonder where they are

Maybe on a shooting star

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

Makes my heart safe and sound

Maybe the clouds will be your ground

Who knows?

And if the spring is dead

I hope it will spread

Kill the seasons one by one

 

And if the sun ever said

“How I loved my fellow man”

I will ask him where are you now

 

I need your scruffy paws

I will search all the stars

Or maybe you’re in my healed scars

Who knows?

Cause the way you run around

I hope there you’re safe and sound

Maybe the clouds are now  your ground

Who knows?

 

Cause by the time it ends

I’ll be here changing plans

Turning the years around

Back when you I found

And your sruffy little paws

I hope you find comfort in my words feel free to contact me for anything, If you wanna talk I am here, If you need advice I am here, If you need a friend I am here.


Lots of love

Ellodie